Friday, November 17, 2006
@6:50 AM
For as many times it seemed possible,
it seemed impossible.
For as many times it took a step forward,
it withdrew.
Lust, they call it?
A gross over-estimation of oneself?
Before these downplaying notions seeped into it's conciousness,
the toad had never thought that dreaming for a swan's companion was wrong.
IT could only hide within the bush of cattails,
and observe the graceful display of all that it ever wanted, in silence.
For if it ever shows itself,
it's hedious form would cause a lifetime's regret.
Perhaps sensing her presence was enough of a blessing,
watching from afar was enough a godsend oppurtunity.
It knows that it can never ask for more;
it was never entitled a place in the picturesque setting of the glistening lake with the swan as centrepiece.
All it could do is to hide it's sorrows in the day,
and pour them out to the stars and the moons at night.
For everytime it tells itself it is contented that the swan is happy,
it questions:"Why cant i be the comforting rays of the sun that shower her with warmth, or even the fishes which swim under her feet?"
Well..have been playing around with this idea of a toad lusting for a swan's meat. BUt in this case i altered the meaning of phrase to 'a toad lusting for a swan', which appears to be a more intangible form of desire.
LOlx perhaps this is why toads only live by the riverside in the marshes, and only croak at night.
-REiZ siging off
Siat LA
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
@7:06 AM
THe HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!
Yea they are here..
yup here..
hmm..
ya..
wat's the big deal.
ITz amazing how humans can have mercurial change in attitudes towards things. I guess the determining factor of one's attitude is the situation one's in. Before the holidays, everyone yearns for it's arrival. Now that it's here, cherishing every moment of relaxation seem collateral as we concern ourselves with how to past time and kill boredom. Well this might be enjoyment itself, but we cannot deny that the value we've placed on each day of the holidays before it arrived has depreciated. It all pares down to a very simple concept; we never cherish what we've got only when it's gone.
Life can really be quite boring without committments. Upon hearing bout how busy others are, i question myself on my daily routine. Isnt eveything so uncannily repititive? WAking up, tries to do homework but gets distracted, take afternoon nap, get my evening dose of exercise, watch tv, use com, sleep. This deviates too far from my idealised holidays of spending each day too it's fullest. Maybe itz just because of the lack of motivation, or the lack of a sense of urgency that the school term is going to start. BUt time, this very serreptitious entity, sneaks by just when u let your guard down. In the blink of an eye, the holidays will approach an end and everything will be in a mess. I've experienced it so very much that i can vision the stages in a flow-chart.
HOpefully the true spirit of holidays will manifest itself during more meaningful activities like the class chalet and my cruise trip. But till then..cheers to a simple life of emptiness and void..lolx
Someone jolt me awake.
Zombified ReiZ signing off
Siat LA
Monday, November 13, 2006
@7:24 AM
What a magical escapade,
what a wonderful time.
What a viable alternative,
to the mundane life i have.
I recollect,
i revisit.
But doing so only hurts me more,
it only aggravates my yearnings.
Can i immerse in your splendours forever,
and never re-surface?
Can i continue deceiving myself,
can reality never set in?
My commitments precludes me from doing so,
they forced me to return.
Perhaps one day i could be reprieved,
and return to your embrace.
Siat LA
@5:36 AM
Ok so this is my first post for my new blog..Thought that i wanted a touch of melancholy in the whole outlook. However what i got was more of a lovelorn feel which,trust me, is not what i exactly am right now!OK fei hua sao shuo...
To have our moods dictated by something as strange and impersonal as places..Have u ever had the poignant sense of deja vu whenever the setting is just right, no matter where u are? For me, itz whenever the breeze whisper by my cheeks, whenever the clouds don a dark coat, whenever the chill gnaws at my skin, whenever the sentimental songs play at the background, that my mind would be flooded by a deluge of memories. Memories which seemed ever so subtle, but yet leave a strong impression in some unknown corner of my mind. Memories like how i used to stroll past the grass meadow towards the bus-stop from my old secondary school while it was still situated at Fernvale, like how i spent that drizzly evening sand-gliding at the desert dunes with my choir mates in Australia, like how i met the glance of my crush upon stepping out of the school gates on that particular wet evening...
Deja vu. The feeling of nostalgia always comes after a rain, when the moisture lingers lazily in the air and everything seems drenched. Strangely enough for me, itz always during these moments when i would recall memories which i never thought i registered. THen, my mind would take flight..to places which would not ever have the same feel as i once experienced if i were to return there again.
Our memory is not only used for memorising suff. Instead, i refer to it as precious bookmarks marking unforgettable chapters of our lives. Unfortunately, there's a limit to how well they can serve their purpose. THey can only tell of the existence of the pages, but can never allow us to read the chapter over again.
Siat LA